For the Parents or Carer of a Young Person

We have had a lot of parents bringing their children to us since we started the youth project. Sometimes, the young person they bring is not ready to receive help. Therefore, we decided to start this page as an additional support tool for parents to learn more about eating disorders and ways they can support their child through these difficult times.

Frequently Asked Questions from Parents and Carers

How do I know if my child has an eating disorder?

What do I do if my child won't admit they have a problem?

What do I do once they are receiving support?

Further Information

Self-Esteem

Communication Tips


Please contact us on youthteam@norfolkeda.org.uk or 01603 767062 if you want to talk.


How do I know if my child has an eating disorder?

Young people can be challenging even at the best of times. Many teenagers go through phases where they are concerned with food and go on diets. So how do you know when to intervene?

Eating Disorders manifest for a variety of different reasons and each case often requires individualised treatment. Here are some of the symptoms that often affect people diagnosed with eating disorders:

Low Self-Esteem
Obsessed with weight and size
Planning around mealtimes
Calorie counting
Perfectionism
Looking for emotional reassurance based on their appearance
Mood Swings
Distorted perception of their appearance
Over exercising
Restricting food
Vomiting after food
Abusing laxatives

Something important to remember about Eating Disorders is that they are not about weight or food, they are about the feelings that are attached to the behaviour. Eating Disorders often begin as a simple diet, but once people begin commenting favourably about their appearance it becomes more and more an important part of their self-image. They begin to feel proud of accomplishing what they set out to do and it may become obsession and trigger an ED. Once an eating disorder takes hold it is very difficult to stop the behaviours that are fuelling the illness. Early treatment is incredibly important, so if you even suspect your child has an eating problem seeking professional help right away is essential. Trust your instincts.

What do I do if my child won’t admit that they have a problem?

This is a tough one. It’s incredibly hard to stand by as a parent and watch your child suffering. However, forcing the issue often only makes the situation worse. Try to talk to your child about everything in their life, not just what they are eating. Let them know that you are there if they want to talk about anything, and that you love them, unconditionally. If you can arrange it, try to get them to go to their GP to assess their physical health. Sometimes GP’s can be a great help in breaking through denial- a medical professional carries a lot more weight with a young person than their mum or dad. Perhaps speaking privately with the GP in advance of your visit would be appropriate so that they know the situation before you arrive.

It’s equally important for you to get help as a carer. The Norfolk EDA has a monthly carer’s support group and also provides individual support sessions for carers. Please email Sue at suemuspratt@norfolkeda.org.uk for details on Carers meetings. It is a very difficult position to be in and you need support too.

What do I do once they are receiving support?

It’s easy to try to stop eating disorders by force, since you can so easily see the problem (ie. not eating) and therefore the solution (ie. make them eat). Unfortunately, it is not as simple as it seems. As we said earlier, the behaviours are only the symptoms of a very powerful illness and therefore professional help is needed. True recovery needs to come from within the sufferer, and perhaps they do not have the self-esteem or the tools they need to recover right now. Forcing them to eat only works in the short-term at best and often reinforces the behaviour because they need to be more secretive about it. For example, making an anorexic eat can often create a bulimic. Try to be patient, even though it is really difficult.

Instead, try to let them work through their eating problems themselves. Be supportive and encouraging, but they need to feel ownership of their bodies and behaviour to be comfortable enough to recover.

Do your best to avoid:

Making assumptions (ie. you must…)
Judging (ie. you are skinny)
Belittling the illness (ie. all you have to do is eat)

Focus on:

Being positive (ie. concentrating on the things they have done well)
Being there consistently (ie. keeping arrangements to talk, etc.)
Simply listening (ie. not offering advice)
Always Remember…

People with Eating Disorders are very sensitive and will believe any negative comments they hear but will likely not hear or accept the good ones.

You will invalidate what the sufferer is feeling if you ignore or contradict what they say or believe about themselves.

As much as you want to help, you cannot force someone into recovery. All you can do is be there for them.